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Friend me, follow me, invite me, connect with me, Google me, email me, text me.
Talk to me?
I’m pretty awesome with 140 characters, and I can roll out a status update with a punchline, but actual conversation with real people in real time is starting to feel like a challenge.
I ran into a Facebook friend recently who I rarely see in person and found myself tongue-tied making small talk, other than to remark: "I read about your new job;" "Your vacation pictures looked nice;" "I saw you had relatives visiting;" as if I subscribed to the newspaper of her life.
When email became all the rage, those with good penmanship mourned the lost art of letter writing. Now, good talkers might be quieted in favor of good texters.
Much of our communication is happening online and asynchronously, and I’m noticing the degradation in my ability to spontaneously hold a real, meaningful conversation, which means I have to get out more often.
Certainly, there is a message in here about balance and practice, along with some tips for communicating in any medium – email, online messaging, Twitter, comments and face-to-face – to create more engaging and effective interaction:
1. Begin with the “give” not the “get.”
What can I do for you goes a lot further than what can you do for me.
2. Don’t hit-and-run.
There is still a relationship to maintain even after you get what you need.
3. Be human, not a cardboard cutout.
Setting up social networking accounts and neglecting them is the equivalent of being a wallflower at a live meeting. Networking is more than being present.
4. Mean what you say.
I knew someone who was such a people-pleaser that he always volunteered to do X for everyone but X never materialized. After a while, his spoken and written words meant nothing.
5. Ask questions.
It’s been said that it is better to be interested than interesting, which is heartbreaking to us Leos. But getting to know what’s important to someone else enables you to help them (see #1).
6. Steer the conversation, but don’t force it.
If someone keeps politely changing the subject, there’s a reason. Be respectful; follow their lead and talk sports, weather or whatever.
7. Take the online, offline.
The best relationships are not sustained through one dimension, and the association deepens when there is dialogue beyond the initial connection point. Turn an email into a phone call; a comment into coffee; LinkedIn invite into lunch.
8. Be authentic.
It’s easier to detect lip service when you can actually see someone’s lips, but insincerity can permeate online messages too.
9. Do a tone check.
The look on someone’s face is a sign to follow your sarcasm with, “Just kidding!” but you don’t have that visual benefit with an online message. Err on the side of expecting misinterpretation, and find a more tactful way to say something.
10. Bring closure.
If someone has been kind enough to make an introduction, send a referral, or take some action to bring you closer to a goal, follow-up, and let the person know if everyone lived happily ever after.
Bottom Line
For millions of years of human evolution, good networking, like good communications, has always happened offline, face-to-face. It's how we've been "programmed" by evolution as human beings. But the principles of offline communications can be applied to online, as well, with a few adjustments. Just pay attention to these 10 tips.
© Copyright, 2011, ExecuNet. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
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About This Author:
Robyn Greenspan is the editor-in-chief at ExecuNet, the private membership that helps executives shift their careers and daily business lives forward. Robyn also brings daily insight to ExecuNet’s public blog, Executive Insider, which enables senior-level professionals to make better career, business and leadership decisions. Catch Robyn's contributions on the HuffingtonPost. And follow @ExecuNet on Twitter for information on executive market and hiring trends and follow @RobynGreenspan on Twitter.
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